A letter to my children- Song Lyrics

Dear Children,

On Sunday as I painted glitter paint on toilet walls, have you seen it by the way?

How can glitter paint make a 40 something woman so happy?  It seems irrational that I can feel joy from glittery toilet walls.

But I do.

There you have it.

I apologise for your genetics.

I want to tell you something about me.

Once a week I like to listen to Spotify’s New Music Friday. Some might say it’s a musical quest to find eternal youth.  But it isn’t really, the sacks that look like sand bags under my eyes make that nigh impossible. I have given up two dreams in my life.  The first was being an Olympic roller skater, they second was eternal youth.

I listen to the play list, because I like music, and I think it’s a good way of discovering new artists, as well as keeping a finger on the heart beat of our society.  You know you can tell a lot about society by song lyrics of songs right? I reckon, every major historical move can be shown in how song lyrics began to change.

But that’s a home ed music project for another day.


Every now and then I find a real gem and I sigh with contentment and think this is why I listen. Most times I learn fascinating new words that have been mostly well rhymed in rap, with other words I’ve had to use the Urban Dictionary for.  Most of them other variations of the word pussy (and I don’t mean the fluffy kitten kind that run amok in our house).

What even is with that word?


On Sunday I was glad I was sat on a chip board floor next to a toilet, surrounded by glittery walls as I listened, because I thought my physical location was a fitting back drop to the overwhelming despair I felt over song lyrics that week. They sound sparkly and pretty (well some of them), but really their underlying message was crap.

Take this for example while a great dance song, and makes me want to bust a move (EMBARRASSING), the lyrics made me  think about you guys and my hopes and dreams for you as people.


When I’m not with you, I’m not me
Nothing ever feels good
When I’m not with you
I’m not in control of what I do, it’s not me
When I’m not with you, I’m not me
Nothing ever feels good
When I’m not with you
I’m not in control of what I do, it’s not me
When I’m not with you

Martin Solveig Places.

Please don’t let this be the sum total of who you are. Everyone wants to be loved.  Everyone wants to have the ‘You complete me’ Jerry Maguire‘ moment, I know I do. I hope you get to have that.

But in order to be complete, you need to be whole. 

Perhaps not completely whole as wholeness is a journey, but healthy. Some of the wholeness you will discover through your relationships and some the seasons of life will teach you.

My life has taught me the importance of knowing myself, mostly because I haven’t been very good at it.  I could use the excuse it was because I married early, but it wasn’t that. It was because my underlying belief was, that a relationship would make me whole. Like the lyrics to that song, that is who I thought I was.

That I wasn’t myself if I wasn’t with someone, and I couldn’t feel whole alone. 

Take the time to work out what feels good. Do you like art?  What foods do you like?  What kind of music? What is your sense of humour? How do you like to dress? Are you loud or quiet? Extroverted or introverted or a little mix of both?  What makes you happy and sad? What brings you joy? What are your values? What can you not abide?  Do you like the toilet paper going over or under?

Some of these things you will work out through your relationships, but some of them, it can be helpful to know and understand about yourself first, as it may save you from feeling lost later.

When another person joins in your journey, you know who you are. You have the resilience to be happy alone, or happy together. Hopefully, happier together. I hope that person brings something unique to your life that complements it, but that you can still be a whole person alone.

That you know your own boundaries, you know your own opinions, your thoughts, beliefs, you know how you want to be treated.

I’m not in control of what I do, it’s not me
When I’m not with you

Martin Solveig Places.

Be in control of your own happiness as best you can.

Don’t make other people responsible for it. 

I am sometimes saddened by the fact that most of the things I want share with you, I have learned through failure rather than through getting it right first time around. I must be a slow learner.

But then I give thanks, because at least I did learn that lesson and hopefully my life is richer for it.

Please don’t put that on my tomb stone. 


Anyway, the builders have arrived, and dad has just caught them playing on the new pool table.

I’ve lost it in hysterics they scattered so quickly when he walked in.

Poor Jaimo.

I have completely lost my train of thought.

But I want you to know that I love you and always want goodness for you.



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