This blog post couldn’t possibly be about my kid. Because that would mean I am writing something negative on t’internet, that one day he might find and think I am a bad, bad mother for writing it and putting it out there for the world to see.
(Well the 3 of you who read my blog. Hi mum)
So let’s say it’s about another person’s kid. Let’s call him Moey.
*Cue story tellers voice*
Once upon a time there was a boy called Moey, who was finally tall enough to sit in the front of the car without the risk of an air bag decapitating him.
The days of peace and quite in the inner sanctuary of my vehicular temple are over as another child fights for pole position.
Some days I am cool, I am down with the kids, and others I struggle to stay patient *must work on that*.
Here are 5 things I have noticed that drive me batty when driving with kids.
Fiddling with buttons
He has been staring at all the nobs and buttons from the back of the car, for a very long time now, so it is hardly so very surprising when the first thing he wants to do is try every single one, in traffic, with a siren-ed vehicle trying to get past me, in the middle of a hail storm.
An open sun roof is exactly what I need now.
Changing the radio station
I am a relatively patient person- mostly. But I draw the line at once having emotionally committed to a song, remembered at least some of the worlds and have found my happy place with it, to have Moey switch the station mid song.
It is being written out of the will worthy.
I am not quite this bad though. I don’t swear at young children. Pinky promise.
(yes that does mean this clip has swearing in it)
Wiping boogers and other bodily fluids on window
The sneaky, or even not so sneaky nose pick being swiped across the passenger side window in an attempt to create a Dali original.
Or a tongue stuck out, dripping with boy juices mimicking a Saint Bernard, checking to see if the window is cold.
Talking over your favourite drive time show.
You’ve waited through what feels like an hours worth of adds to finally get to the bits where the funny people talk. You are 5 mins from home and you feel that you’ve earned the right to some adult conversation albeit a little one sided.
*cue parent banging head on steering wheel*
Farting over and over again.
I know, I know, it’s a natural part of life and everybody does it. But why do kids seem to save up the stinkiest most toxic farts for when they are in the car? And it’s not just one, it’s like letting off the Thompson M1921 Sub-machine Gun of farts, one after the other, with butt cheek, ever so slightly pointed towards the drivers side.
You can no longer breath and the air has turned a suspicious shade of khaki.
You would reach for the air conditioner to help dispel the toxic fumes, but a little hand is already there switching it to circulate hot air from inside the car, while changing the radio station with his other hand during another favourite song.
Kids hey! Gotta love them.
What are your favourite kid in car moments?