This past fortnight has been quite emotional for me, I am not going to lie. I thought it was hard when my first born went off to university. I thought it was hard when my second born went off to university, but man-O-man I didn’t expect it to be quite so hard when my third born went off to university.
Third time around I thought it would be much easier. I mean, I have had practice now. This was a bucket load of naivety on my part, given that going from two to three kids 18+ years ago was the hardest of my parenting years. All of a sudden I didn’t have a hand for each child, washing seemed to multiply in the baskets while waiting to be washed, and my attention span seemed to be shortened by far more than three children’s worth. Three was much harder than five!
So maybe this is why number three has hit me hard again. The growth needed to create room for number three, is felt all over again, as the gap left by them seems so large.
I dunno, maybe I am just hormonal? Hubby did bring chocolate home the other night- hmmmm.
I think the hardest part of my journey in this at the moment, is that so many of my friends (as lovely as they are), have children much younger than my own. They haven’t experienced the teen years yet, let alone the ache of your heart when a child leaves home, even when it is under exciting, wonderful and fully endorsed by me circumstances.
It’s made me realise that you need friends that have kids at the same stages as yours. Even the most empathetic friend, can ‘only imagine’ what it feels like. The conflict you feel when you feel both excited and lonely all that the same time, and the mother guilt this leads too. I mean, you raise them to be independent and to go out into the world and live, and then you realise how much you miss them, when they do.
I have found that this isn’t really something that people talk about either. Well other than my beautiful, but gorgeously nutty friend Su, whose keeping a daily diary of her life with out her wonderful daughter. For her I am insanely grateful right now.
Most people ask how they are getting on at university. It is a rare person, that asks how YOU are getting on with them at university.
Probably just as well really, as I might just burst into tears at unpredictable moments. And no one wants that.
Onward and upward. Two more to go.